My eleven-year-old daughter has some serious problems and I need some help figuring out how to get her some help to find out what the actual issue is. She consistently breaks rules, is defiant, hostile and aggressive to siblings, parents, peers, has no respect for authority figures, swears, fights physically with people, misses school…please help, she is out of control and we don’t know what to do about it.
Yes, she has a serious problem. You need to have her seen in a mental health clinic. I cannot diagnose her but these problems are common in children with Conduct Disorder. Contact her doctor to get a referral or call the local mental health clinic referral number. Her school may be able to help.
In the meantime, you might try to focus on some areas of her strengths. I would encourage you to find areas of her behaviour that you can be positive about.
You will have to maintain firm discipline as well. Even though she is frustrating, try to stay calm and avoid harsh emotional discipline e.g., yelling at her or punishments that last for weeks.