How can we get our daughter to follow the rules?

My 15-year-old daughter seems to repeat stupid activity. She knows the house rules but gets caught violating them over and over again. She will argue with her step-mom constantly. She has had her cellphone taken as punishment. She acquired a friends IPOD and was caught texting late at night. She knows this is wrong but does it anyway. She is told not to eat and drink in her room but gets caught doing it anyway. When asked why she disobeys, she answers that she doesn’t know. Her grades are slipping. She plays high school sports and I am tempted to take that from her. But I want her to look at sports as a future in college. We have grounded, taken things away, she gets things back eventually.

Punishing negative behaviour can only be, at the very most, 20% of the solution.

At least 80% of the solution is to find ways to build your relationship. The best ways to build your relationship are to notice the good and to do things with your daughter that she enjoys.

You must find ways to tell her truthfully that she is a good kid and find ways of her enjoying you and you enjoying her. This will be the basis of your relationship.

You have seen how punishment is not working.  Increasing punishment will only make it worse. It will drive her away from you. Do not take away her sports.

You clearly love your daughter and are very frustrated by her behavior. Give her reasons to want to obey the house rules.

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