Does my son have Tourette’s Syndrome?

My nephew, age seven, has been diagnosed with Tourette’s syndrome. My own son squints quite a lot. Could my son have Tourette’s? What is Tourette’s syndrome?

The hallmark of Tourette’s syndrome is tics or involuntary movements. Motor tics are often in the face and include eye blinks, squints, nose twitches or grimaces. However, minor tics are extremely common and most children who have tics do not have Tourette’s syndrome.

In Tourette’s, tics can affect any part of the body including the arms, legs, and trunk. I once saw a child who had tics in his stomach muscles. Sometimes the tics are quite complex. Verbal tics can include grunts, throat clearing, shouting and barking. Often the verbal and motor tics go together.

Tics are not under the control of the child. They come on suddenly and occur rapidly. Children over about 8 or 9 years of age can describe an urge to do a tic before it happens. The child may resist, but the urge to tic increases. There is relief once the tic occurs.

You should check with your family doctor or pediatrician to see if your son has Tourette’s.

Boys are much more likely to have Tourette’s than girls. Most children have mild cases. They may have tics that are not terribly obvious or not very frequent.

Children with severe Tourette’s tic frequently. Some shout out and bark loudly. Occasionally, the verbal tics are swear words and the motor tics can be rude gestures.

In the past, Tourette’s was wrongly thought to be psychologically caused. Now it is recognized that Tourette’s is a disorder of the basal ganglia (an area of the brain that links movements with our thinking processes). Dopamine, a neurotransmitter, seems to be important but it is unclear how.

Genetics play a role but several different genes are involved, and more than just genetics are involved. In some cases, one identical twin will have the disorder and the other will not. Early physical stress in the womb may be important.

Some researchers feel that streptococcal infection (the cause of rheumatic fever) is important in causing Tourette’s. The streptococcal hypothesis is quite controversial. Many scientists argue it is unproven.

Tourette’s can be made worse by stress and other psychological factors.

Children with Tourette’s are at higher risk for having attention deficit disorder (ADD) and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD).

Medical treatment consists of using drugs that change dopamine in the basal ganglia. Newer drugs seem to have fewer side effects.

Psychological treatments are very helpful. Habit reversal is a very promising psychological treatment. There are 3 major steps in habit reversal:

  • Awareness training in which the child is taught to be more aware of when he or she is going to have a major tic.
  • Substitution or the replacement of the tic with some voluntary behaviour. An elaborate hand tic may be replaced with clenching of the hand. A verbal tic could be changed into a deep slow breath.
  • Social support and encouragement for sticking with the program.

Training may occur over months and has been shown to be helpful.

The second psychological strategy is called functional analysis. In functional analysis, the situations that trigger tics are examined. The reinforcement for tics is determined. Then the child and parent are helped to change what happens before a tic and how tics may be reinforced.

Most children with Tourette’s do very well. Early treatment can help prevent social problems.

Check out the Tourette Society website at www.tourette.ca

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My son has had multiple diagnoses for his behaviour problems.

My son is 12 years old. When he was 4 he was diagnosed with Aspergers/PDD, since then he has had many other diagnoses: ADHD, ODD, bipolar and most recently tics. He is hyperactive, there is no doubt about that, we have tried many different medications that work but none for long, I don’t know what to do or who to turn to. He was on vyvanse 50 mg but the doctor thinks that caused him to have tics, so they put him on concerta 54 mg. Now we are dealing with his moods and all around uncontrollable behaviour…please help!

It is not unusual, but certainly very frustrating, to have different diagnoses for a child with difficulties. It is important to have a doctor that you can talk to and have confidence in.

Some children fit nicely into a diagnosis.  Many do not. Often, what is called an empirical approach is best. That just means we systematically try different types of medications at different doses. It is important to keep a clear record of his response to different medications. Changing the dose or the drug many times may be needed to get the best response.

Medications can be helpful for children with problems.  Medication is only half of what can be done with modern science to help children such as your son. The other half is learning how to change the environment to help your son. The best researched approach is various forms of parent training. Ask your family doctor or pediatrician where you can get some first-rate, scientifically-based parent training.

With parent training you can learn the best ways to:

  • help your son control his behaviour
  • lessen his frustration
  • help you manage your stress
  • focus on the important issues and leave the small stuff
  • work together with his teacher and others in his life

Parent training can be given individually or in a group. You will also learn from other parents.

Keep trying.  Your son is worth it.

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My nine-year-old niece likes to touch herself.

I have a nine-year-old niece. When she was younger she started touching her private body part. My sister and her husband at first thought she would stop, given time, but eventually took her to a doctor. The doctor told them that everything is fine with my niece. Now she is nine and she still does it, especially when she is watching TV, reading, etc. It looks strange.

Masturbation, touching your private parts for pleasure, is normal. However, it is rude to do in public. Usually it is just a bad habit that has been allowed to develop.  If your sister agrees, the easiest solution  is:

  1. Explain to the child that touching your privates in public places is not polite.
  2. Ask the child if there is any problem and if she understands.  Tell her that touching yourself in private places, like her bedroom, is fine.  Make it a family rule.
  3. Tell her that every time she starts to touch herself or rub herself in public areas, she will be sent to her room for 10 minutes.
  4. Every time she starts to masturbate, send her to her room for 10 minutes. No warning, no arguments, no discussion,  even if she promises to stop. This is not a punishment, just a way for her to learn.
  5. I would encourage activities other than watching TV. Watching TV is boring, so she stimulates herself.  Help her be more active.

It may take several weeks for her to unlearn this impolite habit. She might do it again even if she stops for a while.  Be firm and consistent.
If your sister does not want to do this at her home, you can do it when the child is with you.

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My nephew is constantly washing his hands, how can I help him?

My thirteen-year-old nephew is always washing his hands. I mean it makes sense to wash your hands several times a day. He washes his hands for hours a day. He tries to hide it but his hands are raw. He also uses a disinfectant spray to clean most things before he will touch them. He doesn’t do much outside of school because of this germ thing. What can I do to help him?

Washing hands after using the toilet, before meals and maybe a few times a day other than that is healthy. Washing hands for hours each day is a big problem.

Your nephew may have obsessive-compulsive disorder or OCD. People with OCD have repeated thoughts known as obsessions and/or repetitive behaviours known as compulsions. The thoughts and behaviours take control of the person’s life.

People with OCD are often secretive about their symptoms and hide them.

Thoughts of being dirty, harming others or oneself or the need to have everything in order are common obsessions. Washing, checking, counting and ordering things are common compulsions.

A very unusual form of OCD in children occurs after strep infection. It comes on very suddenly and is treated with prompt use of antibiotics.

The cause of OCD is unknown. Some OCD is inherited and some occurs after a trauma. Most just happen.

Children most often develop OCD between about 8-14 years of age. Sometimes OCD comes on in the twenties or thirties. In childhood, boys are more likely to have OCD.

Most of us have some obsessions or compulsions. Having a ritual at bedtime is pretty common. Some of us greet our spouses or our children in very specific way every time. Many people have recurring thoughts. That old rhyme, “Step on a crack and break your mother’s back” describes a compulsion. All of those advertisements about germs in the kitchen and bathroom encourage obsessive cleaning. OCD is different because it seriously interferes with life.

Some obsessive and compulsive behaviour can be associated with other problems such as autism, attention deficit, phobias or anorexia nervosa. But there are lots of other symptoms of these problems as well.

There are two types of treatment for OCD. These are cognitive behaviour therapy and the selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRI’s). A recent study showed that cognitive behaviour therapy and drugs were both effective with cognitive behaviour therapy more effective. Combining the two was even better.

Cognitive behavioural therapy for OCD includes:

  • education about OCD
  • changing thinking about the particular obsessions
  • keeping track of the symptoms
  • exposure to what is triggering obsessions or compulsions.
  • prevention of the compulsive behaviour

Chat with your nephew and his parents about your concerns. Understand how difficult it is for your nephew. Let him know that he is not crazy or weird. His brain has just become stuck on particular thoughts and behaviours.

Let them know that effective treatments are available. Treating OCD in childhood is more effective than waiting until adulthood for treatment. Encourage them to talk with their family doctor or contact their mental health centre.

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How do I stop my sons from fighting with each other?

My two sons aged 5 and 7 years squabble all of the time. They call each other names, hit each other and don’t share things. Sometimes they are OK but I am worn out by their constant fighting. I usually cannot tell who is at fault. The younger one is more impulsive but I usually end up punishing the older one because he should know better. My older son claims I love his brother more than I love him. What can I do?

Squabbling brothers have been around for several thousand years. Remember Cain and Abel? So make sure no one is in danger of getting seriously hurt.

The problem is that they are disturbing others in the family. You deserve some peace on the home front.

Stop trying to judge who is at fault. Judging who is right or wrong is almost impossible. It encourages sneaky behaviour and is almost always unfair. Judges take hours of hearings and only give a judgment after months or years.

Try “no-fault squabble management”. Tell your sons:

  • you expect they can settle their quarrels without fighting
  • you expect them to be peacemakers with each other
  • if they fight that means they didn’t do their job and both will get a consequence (a punishment like removal of TV or grounding for a day)
  • if they are peaceful, that means they did their job
  • for every fight-free you will reward them (give them a choice of things you can manage)

Count only the disagreements that are bothersome. If they keep it to a low level, let it go. You will never get rid of all disagreements.

If they cannot manage your no-fault rule, give them a short peacekeeping school. Describe and have them practice with you some simple skills like:

  • walking away from a disagreement
  • give and take in solving a problem
  • discussing disagreements quietly
  • sharing

After a week or two, if one of your sons is being taken advantage of, coach him on how to handle his brother.

Solving problems with brothers and sisters is a good lesson for life. It teaches how to deal with others.

When your son says that you love the other one more, respond with something like “You know I love you. You’re real special to me.” Make sure you find time to spend with each of your sons on their own.

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Should I be worried about my daughter spending so much time on the computer?

My 12-year-old daughter comes home from school and sits in front of the computer for hours. She plays video games and uses MSN to talk to her friends. If I let her, she will spend every waking minute on the computer. I think her brain will rot if she does this too much. Should I be worried?

There really are two major issues with your daughter spending a lot of time on the computer. One issue is safety and the other is time.

Safety include issues around:

  • Bullying
  • Sex perverts
  • Pornography
  • Viruses, adware and spam
  • Identity theft

Your best strategy is to know what she is doing on line. Put the computer in a communal area of the house so you can see if there is a problem when she is on line.

I don’t advise using a hidden way of recording what she is doing. It does not promote trust. Install filters and firewalls to prevent inappropriate spam and accessing adult sites.

Set up a family set of internet rules. These will vary with age.

Talk to her about who she is chatting to, just like you would about her other friends. Notice if she is upset about something and talk about it.

Get involved. Surf the net with her.

She should:

  • never give any personal information on line to anyone she doesn’t know
  • not assume what people say is true.
  • never agree to meet someone she met on line without you

For many youth, chat rooms are a major way to socialize. We may wonder why they don’t just talk to each other at school. But remember the time you spent on the phone with your friends when you were young.

Over the last 30 years, both verbal and non-verbal IQ has increased steadily. Although I personally hate video games, I have to admit they may be one reason why kids are smarter today than we were. There are lots of other possible reasons too. Many video games are interactive and require problem solving.

Some are violent and may encourage anti-social behaviour. Some are pornographic and teach weird ideas about relationships. But some games are quite intriguing and very challenging.

Too much of anything is probably not a great idea. But you have to look at the big picture. If your child is socially accepted, if your child is physically active and if she is keeping up with her school work you may have little to worry about.

Making hours of computer usage dependent on something else is not a bad idea. You could set up ways to “earn” computer time. For example, it could be that:

  • an hour on homework= an hour of computer time
  • being courteous and helpful = an hour of computer time

Or you might decide with her that she has to keep up certain grades, or participate in some sport to get access to the computer.

Thanks to Brann and Mika for consultation. These young women both played on the computer a lot when they were young. They are doing fine now.

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How can I get my ex-husband to be more responsible?

My ex husband is supposed to take our two children, who are 4 and 6 years old, every second week. Our marriage broke up about 3 years ago. There used to be a lot of shouting and things are much calmer at home now.  About once every three months, he just doesn’t show up to pick them up. Sometimes he shows up 2 hours late.  The children are usually very upset and my plans are ruined. He always has some excuse. I could believe him if this occurred once or twice. Although the children are upset at the time, they still want to go with him. I am at my wits end. I cannot afford a lawyer but I don’t know what I ask for if I could.  Why does he do this?  Why do the children still want to go to see him?  What can I do?

Your ex may want to get back at you by causing you hassle.  But most likely he is just irresponsible.  He thinks of his own convenience and not what is best for his children.  He does not make it a priority to be on time for his children.

You are in a difficult position. You see the harm your ex does to his children and feel helpless.

It is better for children to have contact with both parents. Courts are unlikely to take away access to children by their father except in extreme cases.

Your children probably love their dad and want to be loved by him. I expect that is why they still want to go with him, even though he is inconsiderate. With time they may become less tolerant of his lack of consideration.

There are some things that you can do that may help. You have to treat him like a child who is being irresponsible:

  • tell him that what he is doing is harming his children.
  • remind him that if he is going to be late he should call.
  • let him know that if he is more than 20 minutes, late you will assume he is not coming
  • if he is more than 20 minutes late, take the children out to the playground,  for an ice cream or to a visit with a friend.  Come back when you are ready. If he has to wait too bad.
  • if he arrives to get the children after their bedtime, tough. He can come back in the morning.
  • if he arrives drunk or stoned don’t let the children go with him. Call the police if necessary.

Make sure his irresponsibility does not include leaving the children in a risky situation. Does he supervise them properly when they are with him?  Does he leave them unattended?  If so, you can’t let them go with him.

Change occurs easier if you use positives as well. So be positive to him when he is responsible. Encourage his good behaviour. So, if he calls to say he will be a little late, thank him for calling. Give him positive feedback about things he does with the children. “John really enjoyed going swimming last week.” Being positive to your ex is for the kids benefit not for him.

Don’t get mad at him. It won’t do any good and will only make the children feel more in conflict. Just be firm.

You might tell your children that their dad has a hard time organizing his life. Explain that he loves them but is not good at doing what he says he will. Don’t make excuses for him but don’t badmouth him.

A firm but calm approach has the best chance of helping him change what he is doing. But always put the safety of the children first.

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How can I improve my four-year-old’s sleep?

My 4 year old son has recently started waking up 2-3 times per night and coming into our bedroom. He has never been a great sleeper, but for the past year his sleep had been better. Now he wakes up several times a night and insists on a glass of water, one of us (usually me) coming to the bathroom with him, and then sitting on his bed until he falls asleep. This routine takes anywhere from 20-40 minutes. If we refuse to do these things or we ask him to go back to his bed, he throws a tantrum and wakes up our 2 year old. Please help.

First of all, look at is his pattern of sleep. Make sure he has a regular bedtime with a pleasant and calming routine. A regular bedtime routine could stabilize his sleep pattern. It also gives you and your son a pleasant time to share the day’s events and to have lots of cuddles.

Young children who watch TV before going to sleep have poorer sleep. There are 2 possible reasons for this. There may be a direct physical effect. The bright light of the TV may interfere with the sleep-wake cycle by changing melatonin release. TV may also be stimulating because of its content.

If he has a nap, it may be time to phase it out.

Make sure he has a pee before going to bed. If he is getting up to pee anyway, you could restrict any liquids for 2 hours before bedtime.

Is he going to bed too early? It might be helpful to push back his bedtime by half an hour. This might make it easier for him to fall back asleep.

Can you figure out why he is waking and coming into your room?

  • Is there something that has changed in his bedtime routine?
  • Have you changed his bedroom or his bed?
  • Is he cold in his bed?
  • Does he want a night light?
  • Is it quiet where he sleeps?

My guess is he wakes and is a bit lonely. He likes your settling him. Most children wake several times during the night. But they learn how to settle themselves. This improves their sleep and improves the quality of life of their parents.

Teach him how to settle himself. You may not be able to change his waking.

Sit down with your son when you have no other interruptions and chat about him settling himself. Listen to his concerns. Let him know that mom and dad need their sleep and can’t spend so much time getting him back to sleep.

Work out a plan with him how he can settle himself when he wakes.

Give him what he needs during his nightly trips. Would cold water in a special thermos at his bedside help him quench his thirst? Is there a special teddy bear that he can talk to and will keep him company when he wakes?

Practice these new ways of doing things before he goes to bed.

Try a chart where you keep a record of when he settles himself. Settling on his own might be the goal but settling with your help for a few minutes could be a step to the goal.

Give him lots of encouragement when he settles better. Maybe even a small reward for each night he settles, would help.

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How can I deal with my son’s tantrums?

My strong-willed 8-year-old son refuses to leave stores, people’s homes, and fun activities without a tantrum. What can I do to make him come with me without causing a scene?

Children, like the rest of us, are trying to figure out how to get what they want. Ask yourself, “Have I given in to him in the past?” Do you stay longer when he puts up a fight? It sounds like he is bullying you. It will only get worse if you don’t deal with these tantrums.

Sit down with your son to develop a plan. Your son should help in making up the plan for how he can leave places without a temper tantrum. Give the plan a name such as “Operation Easy Escape”. He may at first refuse to co-operate. Don’t give up.

Make sure he understands that you expect him to follow the plan.

Rehearse what he will do 3-4 times over a few days. “OK, now when it is time to go from the store, let’s practice Operation Easy Escape.” Make it a positive experience but be very firm and clear in your expectations.

Have a negative consequence for him having a temper tantrum when out. It should be strong enough to make a difference. You must be willing to follow through. Have a positive consequence for him successfully executing “Operation Easy Escape”. But make sure it is given only after “Operation Easy Escape” is successful.

Rehearse just before you go out. Be firm but positive.

Set up a phony excursion to a store or to a friend’s place. If it is a friend’s place let your friend know that it is a set up to help your son learn to leave without a temper tantrum. If it is a store, choose one where you don’t care if he makes a scene.

Tell him you are going to stay only 10 minutes. Let him know when it is 1 minute before it is time to leave. Remind him of his “Operation Easy Escape” plan. Then leave with him.

If he starts to have a tantrum, remind him of “Operation Easy Escape”. If he doesn’t respond immediately remove him, even if it is a major scene. Make sure he gets his consequence.

You may have to repeat the practicing and the set up activities a half dozen or more times over a few weeks. He will eventually learn to control his feelings. And he will learn he cannot bully you.

If he is so strong as to be a danger to himself or to you, bring some backup with you (a friend, his dad, his uncle). Make sure the backup knows about the plan and will help you. Make sure you are able to remove him safely. Don’t go out with him if you cannot be safe.

Remember, it will take you both some time to get used this new way. Be firm, and consistent. Don’t give up! His future depends on it.

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What is Attention Deficit Disorder?

My ten-year-old son was diagnosed by his teacher as having Attention Deficit Disorder. What is that?

Teachers are not qualified to diagnose Attention Deficit Disorder. A health professional, such as a pediatrician, psychologist or psychiatrist should diagnose.

Obviously, your child’s teacher is frustrated with him. Pay attention to this concern, you can ask for a meeting to find out more.

Talk to your family doctor about the problems your son is having. He or she may have some specific suggestions or may refer your child to a specialist. You can also contact your local hospital for referrals.

You could see a private psychologist (look in the phone book) but you will have to pay for this service.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, or ADHD as it is often called, is diagnosed because of:

  • problems in paying attention or distractibility
  • problems in doing things without thinking or impulsivity,
  • almost constant activity or hyperactivity

ADHD is common, occurring in about 10% of school-age boys but fewer girls. ADHD is diagnosed by reports of behaviour in different settings. There is no blood test, or x-ray for ADHD.

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